02 Sep 13 ways to spot a Narcissist
Most often than not you will be blown away by a narcist. By their charm, their wit, their intelligence. You will be in awe of them. You would even secretly wish you were like them.
That’s the power of a narcissist. But the minute they sense you are a threat to them, you will not know what hit you. Rumours, character-assassination are the levels to which they can go to get you back on track to eulogizing them.
Types of Narcissists:
Generally narcissists are the ‘all-about-me’ and ‘my-way-or-the-highway’ type. You can tell them from a distance, if you are aware.
While, the other type is more dangerous. They are wolves in sheep’s attire. They aren’t obviously arrogant or ‘in-your-face’ type. They are soft and will stroke your ego while they siphon off your money, resources, IP, connections… whatever it is that they are seeking.
How to identify them:
1. You feel sorry for them and will help them even when you know you are at risk!
They approach you as if they are helpless. Their common phrases are – ‘I’m so confused, only you can help me’; ‘You are such a darling, you are always there for me’; ‘I can rely only on you’; ‘You are the only one I can open up to’… If you are an empath, you fall for it. You will stop everything that you do and will scoop them up to solve their issues.
2. They will seek your advice. But will never take your suggestions!
Initially you will feel great. Because they reached out to you with their issue. But slowly you begin to see a pattern. They tell their saga. Request for your advice. And vanish. The next time you check with them about the issue they came crying to you about, they will either feign ignorance about any such exchange or would have done the opposite of what you had suggested or inform you that their friends told them not to do what you suggested.
3. They are almost always broke!
You may not see sense and logic in their so-called ‘desperate needs’. Yet you will indulge them. You will relent and part with more than what you can afford, because of the sorry-figure they cut out in front of you. It is difficult to say ‘no’ to a narcissist.
4. You feel drained!
You feel lost. You feel empty. You feel heavy. You feel ill. Some of you may perhaps suffer from headaches, too, after spending time with them. And you wouldn’t know why, especially when you are spending time with people who profess their love for you loud and clear.
5. They invade your privacy!
They will be all over you. In your office, in your home unannounced. They will wade through wardrobes, kitchen cabinets, use your gadgets… all in the name of ‘we are best buddies’ and we are inseparable. They will walk into your parties and become the centre of attraction. If you wanna test them, try invading their privacy without an intimation to see their masks fall off.
6. They are nastily competitive!
They cannot stand you being praised by anyone. They cannot tolerate you receiving the applauds. If in a group you receive kudos, they will cross all limits to ensure you are blacklisted there. And you would not know who did it, because they will be sweet to you and would be holding your pinkie all the while they are working to tarnish you.
If they sense you are a threat to them – it could be your creativity or intelligence or resources – they will break into a monologue making you doubt yourself and question your own perceptions.
8. It’s never their fault:
If you are involved in an issue that is their creation, it is never their fault. And if you prove it is theirs, they will get into their analytical best, making you feel guilty for having pointed it out.
9. They insist on helping you
They will never check on you when you really need help. And if you explain your problem, they will brush it aside as unimportant. They will insist on helping you when it suits them fine. They will not budge even after you state you can handle it alone. Beware, they keep a record and will remind you of the help you received.
10. They love to maintain status
We all love to lead a good life and buy great things at the best prices. So do narcists, but unlike others, they will never reveal they got a deal, instead they will go at length on how prestigious and status-oriented their buy is.
Similarly, they love to maintain their appearance. We all love to present ourselves well. But you will never see a bad picture of a narcist on social media.
11. They are high on confidence
They have high self-esteem and confidence. So you see them in leadership positions. In a group, you see them assume the leading position. Their confidence combined with their wit and charm attracts unassuming victims.
12. They cannot maintain relationships
Be it personal or professional. They are leaders, no doubt, but they do not last long in an organization. Similarly, it’s common to see them in unpleasant and unhappy personal relationships, too, because they can never put other’s feelings above their own. It’s always about them.
13. They will pursue you
Finally, if you have realized they are not your friends and try walking away. They will NOT let you go easily. They will use their charm and wit and their play their helpless-puppy traits to maintain access to you. It takes a lot of inner power to distance yourself from narcists.
Narcissists can never love you unconditionally. They only hurt your self esteem. Respect your feelings. Identify them. Step back and lay your boundaries.
PS: This article is based on my personal experiences with narcissists. The emotional damage they cause is not easy to overcome and are long lasting. It took me years to get overcome.
It perhaps will take months and even years for you to see the true faces of these ‘nice’ people, if you are NOT aware. So listen to your body. Listen to your gut.
In the next article will detail ‘Why you attract Narcissists’ and How to Protect yourself from them’!
About the author
Nisha Sanjeev, is a author of two books, who traded 20 years of journalism to live her passion of helping others create the life they desire. When professional success failed to inspire her, convinced that there must be more to life than that, Nisha set out on her self-discovery in 2010. She unleashed her true identity following an arduous personal journey to overcome timidity and lack of self-worth. Years of studying and mentoring by masters have enabled her to have a distinctive outlook to life. She uses this distinctive view to help others.