Tomato Brides

Tomato Brides


June 27, 2018

Father, mother, uncles, aunts and the grandma’s dog dress up, and go on a family trip… to check out tomatoes for the most desired, presumably the only eligible bachelor on earth.

They walk the aisles staring to check, if they are…

• Firm and round (read curves and cheeks)
• Bright and evenly coloured (read ‘fair’ complexion)
• Locally produced or imported (read lineage)
• Nearing expiry date (read how younger in age)
• Organic or conventionally grown (read financial status)

If the above are ticked to satisfaction by all of them, then their ‘coveted trophy’ sets out to check the product himself.

Now, in the event the he finds a blemish somewhere, his entire family gathers around and summons their grandpa’s niece and neighbour’s cat, too, for added strength, to lick the blemish off. ‘This is a great alliance, the family is good, religion, caste, sub-caste and stars are all alligned and wealth is in abundance… what more do you want. After marriage, it will all be okay…!

Does this happen in these times!!! You ask? Yes, in this age of dating apps and relationship flings, there are millennials selecting brides as if they were tomatoes! Horribly sad and disgusting in the least.

Why do I stress millennials? Because they are flooding the marriage market now and the mindset of the older generation has a huge influence on these youngsters, who otherwise are go-getters with aims, dreams and a sense of future ideas clear in their heads… at least some of them are.

But when it comes to life partners, most of them do not bother to check girls’ priorities. Does she have goals and interests that she’s been nurturing. Can he accommodate them? Could he be of help and how? And vice-versa. Does she fit into his career and life goals…?

This is because most parents, unfortunately, are NOT teaching their boys and girls to have a VISION in life. They are bred to run the race and be exhibited as trophies. In the process, if they cultivate a vision on their own, that’s simply an add-on that can be ‘managed’.

Boys who are nurtured and brought up ‘purposefully’ by parents who teach them ‘self-worth’ will not go tomato shopping. Similarly, girls brought up to be ‘emotionally independent’ and taught to lead a ‘purposeful life’, will never tolerate being displayed. They will seek ‘TRUE PARTNERS’ – those who can acknowledge, assist, embrace and enhance the others’ personal and professional visions while planning their years together.

But for that to happen smoothly, the older generation, too, need to let go off…

• Their limiting beliefs, status obsession and possessiveness
• Accept marriage is essentially between two individuals more than it is between two families

Easier said than done in most Indian homes as father, mother, aunts, uncles, nieces and grandma’s pets all have a pedi…gree…d… to uphold their status quo! Whose status quo, you ask? Of course, the young to-be couple’s!

Nisha Sanjeev

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